I CAN MOONWALK!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
