Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize