Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
