Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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