AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
