Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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