First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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