matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
