i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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