It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
