OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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