He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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