Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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