Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
