is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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