It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
