Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
