Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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