everyone is single if you try hard enough
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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