I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
