his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
