If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
