I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
