Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
