Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
