I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
