areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
