dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
