I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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