i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
