Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
