Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
