How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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