Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
