i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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