I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
