come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
