And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
