hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
