I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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