please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
