i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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