Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
