I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
