This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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