phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
