Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
