I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
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Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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