I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
They took my balls.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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