Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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