She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
