Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
