I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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