We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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