Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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