"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
