don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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