I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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