It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Randomize
