This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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