wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
