Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
