They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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