You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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