Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
