You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
