i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
