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NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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