You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
