I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
