you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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