Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My friends, they love my intelligence
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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