Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How does it feel to date your dad?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
