so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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