Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
