I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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