i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize