Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
