Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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