Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
