i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
