i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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