420 ftw
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
