I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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