Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
